I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
