So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
