with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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