That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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