So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So vagazzling was a success
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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