I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
