as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
