ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
