I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
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Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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