if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
