Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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