I love black thongs
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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