One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
