He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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