he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
