things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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