i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
