At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
