i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
