she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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