Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
