Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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