what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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