she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
