remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
