I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
