gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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