MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
