Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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