1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
