You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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