I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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