If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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