i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
operation have a gay friend backfired
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
