Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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