Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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