week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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