Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
