She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
