we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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