She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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