@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
