Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she looked like the before picture.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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