Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
