i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
