His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
