My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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