i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
