were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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