I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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