i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
