Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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