She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
