I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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