i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
