I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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