Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
