Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
