I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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