Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nutella sex= disaster
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
