dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
MIDGETS
????
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
