so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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